Ask Sara
Scared and alone, readers seek out the advice of FLYP’s Sarah Bernier.
Dear Sarah,
I am a 40-year-old advertising executive and I’ve been divorced for over a year. I have no children and have recently re-located to the West Coast. I’m having a hard time meeting women. Please don’t mention online dating; it’s just not for me.
Any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Lonely in Cali
Dear Lonely,
It might be hard for you to believe, but you’re in an ideal situation: single, child-free and ready for fun. The key is getting out. Remember that to-do list you compiled after college—the one with all your hopes and dreams? Well, pull it out and dust it off, because the time is now.
I hear people say, “I’d love to take a cooking class, but I don’t have the time,” or “I want to (fill in the blank), but every weekend is filled with what my spouse wants or needs to do.”
Those days are over for you. Get involved in your new community, and keep an open mind about the different ways you can meet people. You’re an adult now, so it’s OK to talk to strangers.
Once you’re settled, why not mention to your new friends that you’re interested in meeting someone?
Good luck and get talking!
How to Meet People: Setting Yourself Up for Success
1 - Have a happy and open demeanor. Be friendly and smile. Be the sort of person you want to attract. Remember, there’s nothing more attractive than someone who is confident and willing to take a risk.
2 - Break your own dating rules. We all have them: “I won’t date anyone younger” or “I won’t date someone who has been married.” Instead of setting limitations, give them a chance. The best way to start is by really listening to what people have to say.
3 - Let go of your past relationships. If you’re still hung up on previous relationships and partners, you’re not ready to date someone new. You’ll always be making comparisons and longing for something different.
4 - Learn how to flirt. Start by smiling, winking and looking alive. Make eye contact and use positive body language. Don’t be afraid to lean into someone and get close.
5 - Pay attention to your surroundings. A friend of mine who has great luck with women told me one of his tips: if he sees someone he finds interesting, he searches the environment for common ground. For example, while at a dog-friendly bar, he spotted an interesting woman. Seated next to her was a couple who were practically making out with their dog. When the interesting woman approached the bar, my friend made a funny comment about the dog lovers. He ended up with a date the next day.
6 - Accept a date with someone you normally wouldn’t go out with. Or ask someone out that isn’t your usual “type.” A date doesn’t mean you’re committing to a relationship. By dating different people, you’ll learn more about yourself and what you are looking for in a partner.
How to Approach People at the…
Park - Take your camera out and ask someone if they mind being photographed. The park is a great place to meet people, because people are out looking to have fun. If they are doing something interesting or unique, ask about it. For example, if they have the new MacBook, and you’ve been curious about it, an attractive stranger can be a trusted advisor. Go for it.
Bookstore - If you see someone interesting with a familiar author or title in their hand, offer a comment or recommendation about the book. If you’re torn between two books, don’t be afraid to ask your “interest” for their advice. If you strike up a conversation, suggest sitting down for a coffee.
Gym - The gym can be a tricky place to meet people, as some people don’t want to be disturbed while they’re working out. Get a sense of their energy by observing them discreetly. If they seem to be moving through their workout at a reasonable pace, begin by making eye contact and smiling. If they smile back, consider it a green light for conversation.
Coffee shop - If someone is having coffee in a coffee shop, odds are they are taking a break. This is a great time to approach people. Ask them what they are drinking. Be funny; ask if you can have a sip. If they have a scone, ask if it is tasty.
Lines - Lines at the bank (or lines in general) can be a great place to meet people. Pay attention to the body language of the people around you. If you seem to be making eye contact and smiling, it’s OK to strike up a conversation. Don’t hesitate when you feel right about approaching someone.
Watch the video: How hard is it to meet other single people? Sarah investigates.